Learning To See Strength Where Others See Flaws

Scars Are A Reminder That You Overcame Whatever Tried To Harm You

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Why in today’s increasingly tolerant world, are scars still looked at as ugly or unsettling?

Everything else has become socially acceptable. For example, piercings and tattoos had to be covered years ago but are now accepted at most workplaces, including hospitals. Even people with disabilities no longer have to hide their imperfections due to a new inclusive culture.

In a society that seems to have increased its tolerance to so many, why do scars still feel so taboo?

Are We Being Brainwashed to Fear Scars?

It sounds crazy but in some ways, our society is being influenced to dislike scars. Pop culture is partly to blame. Think about every villain, murderer, or psychopath from the movies and shows we watch. The bad guy is always covered in scars or is disfigured.

Image by Cinemablend

Advertising is the other party to blame. The beauty industry makes billions of dollars by convincing us we must look perfect and flawless. Every body lotion is marketed as wrinkle repair, scar lightening, or cellulite smoothing these days. Beauty businesses thrive on making a treatment or correction for every discoloration, zit, or flaw that pops up. After decades of this influence, it doesn’t surprise me that scars are still considered unsettling.

But what if I don’t want to look air-brushed???

Is There a Double Standard?

There is without a doubt a double standard when it comes to men and women having scars. When a man has a scar, it is looked at as a sign of strength. For men, scars symbolize being heroic and a tough guy.

For women, scars represent the opposite. When women have a visible scar, it is viewed as ugly, a flaw, or a defect. Why can’t women be viewed as heroic too?

My Story

I recently had open heart surgery, which required a sternotomy (a procedure in which they cut through my breast bone). The surgery left me with a huge scar down the middle of my chest, plus countless other smaller scars from chest tubes and central lines.

The surgery saved my life!

I am grateful for that scar, not embarrassed by it. It is a visual reminder of the obstacle I overcame. It reminds me of how hard I fought to stay on this Earth with my children. For me, seeing my scar is a constant recognition of my triumph over what tried to kill me. Unfortunately, society doesn’t see it the same way.

Image by Tom_schiesswald

Society’s View of Woman’s Scars

Here is a prime example of how society views a woman’s scars. Last weekend my teenage daughter and I went bathing suit shopping for an upcoming vacation. We decided to check out a new swanky boutique that just opened downtown. The friendly clerk showed us their new summer shipment as we enjoyed ourselves shopping and joking around.

As we tried on some beautiful swimsuits, the clerk gently knocked on my door with an armful of suits and coverups. At first, I was confused and politely told her she must have the wrong dressing room.

Then she leaned in closer and quietly said, “I picked these for you because I thought you would like some options to better cover up that big scar.”

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Her words felt like someone punched me in the gut, knocking all of the air out of my lungs.

Honestly, I wanted to curse her out but with my daughter on the other side of the curtain, I took the high road. I decided to try and make this a teachable moment.

So, I thanked her for her thoughtfulness but explained that I didn’t need to cover up my scar. I expressed that I was proud of it because it reminded me of my strength and a second chance at life.

With a look of pity, the clerk replied “That’s wonderful but I was just trying to protect you. You know how caddy and judgemental people can be.”

I wanted to follow that up with a “LIKE YOU,” but I bit my tongue. Overall, I believe that she had good intentions. But I can’t wrap my head around why it isn’t acceptable for a woman to have a visible scar and not feel judged.

Hide It or Show It Off?

I support you whether you hide your scars or let it all hang out. However, I wish we could erase the shame associated with scars. Scars are not ugly or flaws. Having a scar means that someone has gone through something that most others have not, making them more interesting.

I choose not to hide my body, my scars, or my imperfections. As a mother, I want to teach my children how to be confident and show them that no one is perfect. I also want them to know that inner strength, perseverance, intelligence, and kindness will always be more important than what a person looks like on the outside.

Moving Forward

I am not going to cover myself up from head to toe in fear of someone seeing some scars. That is not why I had heart surgery. I did not risk my life to sit on the sidelines and watch my life pass me by.

The purpose of having dangerous heart surgery was so I could LIVE! So I can run and jump and swim. So I can chase my kids through the park, play hide and seek, climb the jungle gyms, jump in the pool, and embarrass my kids dancing on TikTok.

I’m going to live and let it all hang out, scars and all. I’ve fought way too hard to be here to be self-conscious.

I wish society would accept our scars. We’ve been through enough already and would appreciate some support.

Image by Author- I’m proud of this scar!

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